makinmiaggy

Taken’ Care – First Draft#1 ONLY

I never took care of myself. In anyway. Not even as child was I the first thought of anyone other than for safety. Not mad about it but I missed a lot of culture and social lessons while being sheltered and never taught how to take care of myself other than to wash my face, brush my teeth, and pray to the Lord before I start everyday. I remember potty training, crazy enough. But after that it was on my own as my father strived to be a perfect man in the eyes of the church. They didn't see his faults nor understand his challenges. They had their own in the church so as members they weren't taught how to take care of their pastor…but the people did. While they fought back against different evils in the church, they still fought to make sure my father was taken care of. I watched that. My father putting himself to wayside while he takes care of everyone else. Doesn't matter if they want it or even see that they need it. He, through God, provides time and time again – even to this day. So how do I take care of myself? How? When i only saw my father do that and take care of my mom. He never bought suits unless one was forever done. He never cared for himself. I watched that. I sadly learned a unhealthy trait. He didn't stop the relationship between him and those in the church that was hurting him. He loved and some would say he was passive. But i know the side they could've gotten. Not pretty. So he spared them to be honest. But. That doesn't mean he shouldn't have learned how to communicate his feelings in a different way to get his point across. But he was too busy literally with everything else. Trying to be a good husband to his wife and trying to understand his son all while trying to be the best man with the devil on his tail everyday – How? How is he to take care of himself? To stop? Thats what I did. Stopped and asked God to remove those that weren't for me. He did. I wish my father would. But he loves too much. Pray that he finds the love he's been looking for as far as a place to preach. The people are great. Ive seen them. Played to them. Played with them. Played for them. I was honored to all of it and would do it again. But when? I gotta learn to let myself be taken advantage of. So I did. But. I don't know how to move on in that new light. Without Survivors remorse. But, like others, I’ll learn. and speak about my time while i was 'round the way – until then take care.

Short – VVision

I saw a vision—a city united, full of peace and purpose. But when I woke, it was gone. I asked God, “Why?” I tried to help—first with purity, then pride. I became what I hated, thinking it would save others. It broke me. Depression came, and death drew close. But God pulled me away, into silence and healing. I repented. Some still want me out. But I won't die in the place that tried to bury me. The enemy failed—I’m still here. My scars speak. I’m not here to destroy, But to reach the forgotten And remind them: God still hears.

A Vision Draft # 1

I. I saw a vision— A city whole, led by a family, Branches wide, peace in every corner. But when I woke, it was gone. I asked, “Why?” So I moved to fix what was broken. At first, I came pure, sincere. Then, I tried to fight evil by becoming it— And lost myself. I hurt others, blind with pride.

II. Then came the darkest place. Depression wrapped me. Death whispered—mine or another’s. But God pulled me out. Hid me. Taught me that many speak, But few care to act correctly. I repented. Some still want my death. But I can’t die where I’m called to live. I was protected, not deprived. And now I see that clearly.

III. The enemy failed—I still breathe. These scars? They speak truth, not shame. I’m not here to just kill demons, But to reach the ones Who think God stopped listening. He hasn’t. He waits still— Loving, listening. We will continue to talk about Him In a way the broken can understand.

Allow Me The Time To Explain… I saw a vision one day. A vision of city undivided led by a family but having many branches from that one vision. I saw peace in that vision. A New life in that vision. But when I opened my eyes, it wasn't there. I simply asked the question, “Why?”. Once I saw the reason I tried to help in many ways. I tried in three ways. First time – I was pure and used. Then I tried to see that evil wasn't the way and the only way to show that was to be the best type of evil then prove it wasn't worth it. What a waste of time that was. I hurt so many people trying to do something that would never work and was ultimately blinded by anger and tried it my way. The Last way I did things was weird but I almost lost my life. I was in a place where the devil was prominent and I was just depressed. The Lord took me from there and hid me so i could learn that sadly, people were talking to me but not working to do so. Either that or they just didn't want to listen to ME. Either way, after almost losing my life to my own hands or someone else's, it was time to put my life in the Lords hands. Now we are here. I’ve tried to apologize. Some people want my head on a platter because of the what is around them. I can understand the anger but I can never build and give back in the place that is trying to kill me. Well, I tried but that didn't go well either. I cant lose myself again. I cant go back. I apologized and repented and it took the longest to move on because again here i am feeling like an uncle tom or a house nigga with benefits. But thats just the devil. I will try to get over this survivors remorse because i ultimately put myself in this. I don't blame my father for sheltering me as a child. I wasn't missing out on anything. It was better being green and safe and fighting from the outside in. But now the devil done messed up by letting me be alive. I don't take back the lessons i learned. It scared me but now i can calmly ask “You wanna know how i got these scars?” and it mean something. I don't think it's cute. Im here to not kill that demon in particular but to be a bridge to those that feel that God doesn't love them, hear them, or still want them. The God of our Grandfathers, Grandmothers, aunts and uncles, and those that had a prayer life before us – Is waiting to communion with you. He's always here. But let's talk about this a different way.