Allow Me The Time To Explain… I saw a vision one day. A vision of city undivided led by a family but having many branches from that one vision. I saw peace in that vision. A New life in that vision. But when I opened my eyes, it wasn't there. I simply asked the question, “Why?”. Once I saw the reason I tried to help in many ways. I tried in three ways. First time – I was pure and used. Then I tried to see that evil wasn't the way and the only way to show that was to be the best type of evil then prove it wasn't worth it. What a waste of time that was. I hurt so many people trying to do something that would never work and was ultimately blinded by anger and tried it my way. The Last way I did things was weird but I almost lost my life. I was in a place where the devil was prominent and I was just depressed. The Lord took me from there and hid me so i could learn that sadly, people were talking to me but not working to do so. Either that or they just didn't want to listen to ME. Either way, after almost losing my life to my own hands or someone else's, it was time to put my life in the Lords hands. Now we are here. I’ve tried to apologize. Some people want my head on a platter because of the what is around them. I can understand the anger but I can never build and give back in the place that is trying to kill me. Well, I tried but that didn't go well either. I cant lose myself again. I cant go back. I apologized and repented and it took the longest to move on because again here i am feeling like an uncle tom or a house nigga with benefits. But thats just the devil. I will try to get over this survivors remorse because i ultimately put myself in this. I don't blame my father for sheltering me as a child. I wasn't missing out on anything. It was better being green and safe and fighting from the outside in. But now the devil done messed up by letting me be alive. I don't take back the lessons i learned. It scared me but now i can calmly ask “You wanna know how i got these scars?” and it mean something. I don't think it's cute. Im here to not kill that demon in particular but to be a bridge to those that feel that God doesn't love them, hear them, or still want them. The God of our Grandfathers, Grandmothers, aunts and uncles, and those that had a prayer life before us – Is waiting to communion with you. He's always here. But let's talk about this a different way.