Taken’ Care – First Draft#1 ONLY
I never took care of myself. In anyway. Not even as child was I the first thought of anyone other than for safety. Not mad about it but I missed a lot of culture and social lessons while being sheltered and never taught how to take care of myself other than to wash my face, brush my teeth, and pray to the Lord before I start everyday. I remember potty training, crazy enough. But after that it was on my own as my father strived to be a perfect man in the eyes of the church. They didn't see his faults nor understand his challenges. They had their own in the church so as members they weren't taught how to take care of their pastor…but the people did. While they fought back against different evils in the church, they still fought to make sure my father was taken care of. I watched that. My father putting himself to wayside while he takes care of everyone else. Doesn't matter if they want it or even see that they need it. He, through God, provides time and time again – even to this day. So how do I take care of myself? How? When i only saw my father do that and take care of my mom. He never bought suits unless one was forever done. He never cared for himself. I watched that. I sadly learned a unhealthy trait. He didn't stop the relationship between him and those in the church that was hurting him. He loved and some would say he was passive. But i know the side they could've gotten. Not pretty. So he spared them to be honest. But. That doesn't mean he shouldn't have learned how to communicate his feelings in a different way to get his point across. But he was too busy literally with everything else. Trying to be a good husband to his wife and trying to understand his son all while trying to be the best man with the devil on his tail everyday – How? How is he to take care of himself? To stop? Thats what I did. Stopped and asked God to remove those that weren't for me. He did. I wish my father would. But he loves too much. Pray that he finds the love he's been looking for as far as a place to preach. The people are great. Ive seen them. Played to them. Played with them. Played for them. I was honored to all of it and would do it again. But when? I gotta learn to let myself be taken advantage of. So I did. But. I don't know how to move on in that new light. Without Survivors remorse. But, like others, I’ll learn. and speak about my time while i was 'round the way – until then take care.